Do you ever feel like your love life is stuck in limbo – you don’t know if he’s the right guy or you wonder if he’s ever going to commit to your relationship? Are there days when you wish things could be different – especially your love life – but you don’t know what to do or the thought of making a change feels a bit scary? Maybe you’re hanging onto a guy you know isn’t “the one” but you’re afraid you could end up alone if you let go. Or, maybe you keep hanging with the same crowd – because it’s comfortable – but you never meet anyone worth dating. If any of the above rings true, you could be stuck in the waiting place – waiting for someone or something to change your life. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. It’s up to you to take charge of your life. To get out of a love life rut and beyond that limbo-like waiting place to the kind of love life you truly want is all about what YOU need to do and it requires two things:
- It requires a decision to make a change
- It requires acting on that decision
It requires a decision to change – Too often, the reason why you’re stuck in that waiting place is because you’re either unwilling to choose a course of action, or you’re hoping someone – a guy – will change or a new guy will come along and make everything better. But the problem with waiting on someone else to change is…you’re left waiting. If you want to find love with Mr. Right, you have to choose it. And choosing it often requires making those difficult decisions, like:
- Accepting that the relationship you have isn’t working
- Letting go of someone who doesn’t treat you right or isn’t right for you
- Giving up the old ways of meeting and hooking up with guys
- Putting your needs first and not living solely to please someone else
- Accepting that you may have to be alone for a while
- Willing to move past your fear and take a risk
Sure it’s hard to make the tough decisions and to change. But until you choose to NOT settle for less than the kind of love you truly want and decide to make the necessary changes to help you attract that love, you’ll most likely remain trapped in the waiting place. Life has a funny way of giving you what you expect, and if you choose to do nothing but wait, life gives you more waiting and more of the same old love life you’ve been getting. Remember:
The only person you can change is YOU and you won’t find Mr. Right hanging onto Mr. Wrong.
It requires acting on that decision – Deciding to choose and change is the first step, but acting on your decision is the only way to bring what you want into reality. There is an old saying that stupidity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. If you want your life to be different, you have to be willing to change something. You have to take that first step out of your comfort zone in order to have a shot at a different life.
And one of the best ways to help you take the first step is to lay out a plan. If letting go of a dead-end relationship is the thing you need to do, then lay out a plan to make it happen and enlist the support of a trusted friend. If you decide you need a new way to meet decent, like-minded men, then start with a list of some ways you can make that happen. In my book, Is He a Keeper?: Savvy Gal Secrets to Spotting Mr. Wrong and Hooking Mr. Right, I have a whole chapter that deals with how to “cut the line” on a losing relationship.
Here are a couple more tips to get you started:
- Start by making small, incremental changes. It’s often easier and less frightening.
- Start with a change in some other, unrelated area to give you a boost of confidence. It could be something as simple as inviting someone new at work to lunch or trying out a restaurant you’ve never gone to before.
Five Simple Change Ideas to Help You Get Out of Your Rut and Start Attracting Mr. Right
And, finally, here are 5 simple change ideas you can try to get you moving and out of your rut. You’ll find a lot more ideas in my book.
- Join a gym and start exercising a 2-3 times a week. It will give you a healthy shot of endorphins to boost your mood and energy which helps to fuel change.
- Volunteer for some local charity or charity event. You’ll meet new people and feel good about what you’re doing all at the same time.
- Take your dog to a doggy park or a park frequented by dog owners. Don’t have a dog? Borrow a friend’s. Dogs are great ice breakers.
- Do something that gets you around people of similar interests. Check out local “meet-up” groups that match your interests and attend one of their meetings.
- Change up your style with a new haircut, a different shade of lipstick, or ditch the jeans for a skirt or dress. When you feel good about yourself, it raises your energy level and that higher frequency vibration field acts like a magnet to attract others to you.
I know from personal experience that change can be hard. Even when you’re unhappy, it is often easier to stay in a place where you know what to expect vs. venturing into the unknown. But true happiness can only come if you let go of what’s holding you captive, embrace your fears, and choose to change. Finding Mr. Right isn’t an accident; it’s a choice you make.
Until next time, live smart and be savvy in love!